Hello everyone…I’m Monique. A blogger, self-published author, college graduate (BBA and MBA holder), Libra, and a woman in love. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I’ve got it going on! I have a job that I love, travel often, have friends that I adore, and drive the car that I want. I know that some people would beg to differ, because with all of my accomplishments I’m still an unmarried, childless woman that’s pushing 31. Something has to be wrong with me right? Like where they do that at?!
Overcoming Societal Pressures
For as long as I can remember, people have tried to make me feel bad for not being married, or making the decision to wait to have children. One situation sticks out more clearly than others, I met a family friend for the first time, and one of the first things she asked me after our formal introduction was “How many kids you have?”
Honestly I was baffled… I was 22 at the time, why on earth would I be thinking about kids and why was she so quick to assume that I have them?! I smiled and told her, “Because I’ve got a lot more of my life to live.” She seriously looked at me like I was crazy for the rest of the evening. Unfortunately, I’d be forced to answer questions similar to those for many years to come. Add to the mix that I’m in a relationship and here come the “When are you two getting married?” questions! Whether it’s family members, childhood friends, associates, work colleagues…etc – I just wish everyone would chill with all the unnecessary pressure.
My Annoyance With Society
Society has a bad habit of making women that don’t fall in line with it’s preset expectations of them feel abnormal or pathetic. What’s sad and downright disappointing is that most of the time, the disapproval comes from other women! It’s like our womanhood isn’t solidified until we add motherhood and marriage to our roster. We’re looked down upon and often judged by fellow women and it’s complete bullshit if you ask me. “You’re not a mother so you wouldn’t know.” “You need to get a ring on that finger.” NEWSFLASH – motherhood and marriage aren’t for everyone and even if it is, it doesn’t mean that it’s enough!
My annoyance doesn’t mean that I don’t want those things… because I do. But I will do that when I’m ready – not when society tells me I’m ready! Yes I’m 30, almost 31 (now almost 32), I have peers that have children that are in high school. I should be panicking and working on getting pregnant, right? But then I think about all the trips that I want to take, debt that I want to pay off (read my story here), and other things (that’s nobody’s damn business) that I want to do!
Honestly, my biggest fear is rushing into something I’m not ready for and being unhappy. Hell, I know plenty of mothers that have no business having kids, resent their children because they’ve lost their own sense of self, and there plenty of wives that are miserable in the marriages they so eagerly rushed into.. so what’s the TEA?! Is this why I should feel the need to rush into having a kid or getting married? No thank you!
Owning My Truth
Until then, I’m perfectly happy with being unwed and childless. My reasons are my reasons, and I don’t owe anyone any explanation beyond that. And, if you’re someone that’s guilty of trying to make another woman feel bad for not wanting the same things as you…PLEASE STOP! It’s highly ignorant and insensitive! Because truth be told, you may not know the full story behind her choice to to wait or not do certain things. Some women want motherhood, but physically can’t, perhaps they’ve miscarried, maybe marriage scares them…YOU DON’T KNOW! So mind your damn business – it’s really that simple.
To my sisters that are unmarried, childless and in their 30’s like me… I have your back girl! And listen when I say that you have absolutely NOTHING to apologize for! Here are a few things to remember the next time society tries to make you feel bad for your lifestyle…
- Keep your cool! Cursing them out is not worth it!
- Continue to stay true to yourself and what you want. At the end of the day, no one will ever have to walk in your shoes. You’ve got to put yourself and your happiness first!
- Be unapologetic about the life you want to live!
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