To the Ones Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places

Are you someone that constantly finds themselves in screwed up dating situations? Are you often put into the friend-zone or fail to get the person you’re in love with to commit? Ever feel like you’re putting in more effort than the other person? Like you’re always available for them, yet they’re always too busy for you? Do you ever get the feeling that you’re forcing something that’s just not there? You’re so eager to fall in love and settle down, but you just keep coming up short? Truth is… you probably are!

Honestly, dating can have its difficulties, but that’s only because we make things so damn complicated when they don’t have to be. We often ignore the major signs that are staring us in the face; simply because our feelings are involved and we don’t want to start from square one. Sound familiar? Trust me, we’ve all been there. 

There’s no denying it… when it comes to matters of the heart – it can require a lot of work! Think about it. Why does finding someone that you’re attracted to, that stimulates your mind, body, and soul sometimes feel like a full-time job? Not only is it work, it’s just as risky. Because god-forbid we find someone and the feeling isn’t mutual or they’re involved with someone else. 

The Reason Why You’re Having a Hard Time

Often times, we find ourselves becoming extremely frustrated with each bad date and failed relationship. Blindly seeking commitment and desperate for the love our heart desires; mainly because we’re determined not to be alone. Something has got to give… right? Yes, yes it does. But I have to be honest, you may not like the answer. That something is you, beloved (in my Iyanla Vanzant voice)… a lot of the time you can’t find someone to love you and treat you the way you deserve because you’ve failed to do that for yourself. 

It’s been said that chaos attracts more chaos and broken people attract other broken people. If you’re someone that cringes at the thought of being single for too long, are quick to hop from relationship to relationship without giving yourself the proper time to heal, or constantly seek validation from your relationship status you’re kind of putting a huge target on your back. Like there’s some type of radar that is sent off into the universe letting all the people you have no business dealing with know that you’re available. All so they can come into your life and mess with your emotions even more, further prolonging your necessary healing. It’s a vicious cycle that many people have inadvertently put themselves into and are clueless on how to break it. 

The Secret to Finding Love in the Right Place

I’m here to help you! Unfortunately, there’s no blueprint to this shit. But I know a good place to start…YOU! More specifically, looking for love within yourself aka self-love. Loving your strong qualities, your flaws, your own company, everything! Because when you love yourself, you’re better equipped to recognize bad situations and protect yourself by avoiding them all together. Write, meditate, see a therapist, – there are many ways to work on the relationship with yourself; but it takes time, patience and commitment.

Here’s something you may not know- the most important relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself. Be aware of yourself, and what you need. Learn from your mistakes. Speak up for yourself! Take care of yourself. Do the work; and most importantly, when you feel like you’re ready to start dating again, do so with a purpose! 

In Conclusion

Here are a few things to remember if you ever feel yourself falling back into your old ways:

  1. Sex is not love and it doesn’t ensure a commitment. 
  2. Words are not actions.
  3. People will only do what you allow them to.

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  • Reply
    May 10, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    This is great — there is no magical to find the perfect person and it’s more important to have a good relationship with yourself before you have a relationship with someone else. I actually met my husband when I stopped worrying about being single, stopping looking for the one, and was just enjoying being myself.

  • Reply
    Jasmine M
    May 10, 2019 at 3:27 pm

    When it comes to dating, I think the main thing is definitely making sure that you know yourself and that you genuinely care about yourself as well as love yourself. I know I personally made bad decisions with allowing myself to continue dating someone that I knew I shouldn’t have been dating. I think that a lot of people see red flags and continue pushing forward when they should let things go. One thing I learned is that you need to know what you need and what qualities are a must have for the person you would truly want to be with. If someone displays qualities that don’t fit with what you need, then let them go versus settling.

  • Reply
    Czjai Reyes-Ocampo
    May 10, 2019 at 1:14 pm

    They say don’t find love, let love find you. Worked for me, and I ended up marrying ‘the one’ after five years of dating. 🙂

  • Reply
    May 10, 2019 at 1:26 am

    You’re right. Finding love starts with yourself. Great post!

  • Reply
    May 10, 2019 at 12:29 am

    This is great Monique and I agree with you, there is no secret recipe to this shit lol!!! The start is you 100% know yourself, love yourself are key.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 10, 2019 at 1:01 am

      Hi Chad! Thanks for stopping by! So glad you enjoyed my post and yes I agree 100%!

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