To Tell or Not to Tell...

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If you haven’t noticed, my last few posts have covered the never-ending topics that arise when it comes to dating or being in a relationship. Clearly this stuff will never get old!  And as an avid marketer of my very first self-published novel, Dilemmas Of a Damsel (which touches on the complexities in dating), this week will be no different! So a few weeks ago, one of my followers made an interesting post that got a lot of people talking. And like any normal person would do, I read the comments to see what everyone was saying. Unfortunately for you guys the post was taken down. But it was somewhere along the lines of – if you discover that your friend’s boo is cheating, would you tell? The responses were highly intriguing to say the least. I think when it comes to friends, especially close ones; there are some basic rules that come into play. You know, like don’t sleep with each other’s ex, keep their dirtiest secrets to yourself and so forth. But there seems to be this friendship rule loophole in terms of cheating.

I can’t force her to wake the hell up and dump her cheating atrocious boyfriend.
— Jade James, Character from Dilemmas Of a Damsel

 

Honestly, I would prefer to never be put in a situation that requires me to disclose that type of information, because shit can get messy real quick. Now for those of you that are thinking – “Umm no Monique, you’re not being a good friend if you don’t tell.” When it comes to matters of the heart, things aren’t always so straight-forward or clear cut. A relationship is essentially between two people, and no one outside of the relationship will ever know everything. So when you come forward with potentially damning information, anything can happen. Your friend may decide to dump their partner and go all Beyonce "Hold Up" on their ex. Or they may receive the information you shared and decide to do nothing. Or even worse – they may take what you said, go back to their partner and decide that they no longer want the relationship (aka YOUR FRIENDSHIP). Knowing the possibilities makes people second guess sharing what they know. Think about it, you’re basically immersing yourself in a bunch of he said – she said mess. And let’s be honest, you’re risking a lot - especially your friendship.

 

I’m not here to tell anyone what to do in that situation, because every situation and everyone involved is unique. We all deal with things differently. And just because you know your friend, you may not know just how deep their commitment may be to their partner and what they are willing to deal with. I’m not afraid to admit that I’ve have been in both situations. I was the friend that told, and I was also the friend that was being cheated on. All I have to say is, telling is much easier said than done. And sometimes, your friend may not really want to or be ready to receive the information. The biggest lesson I learned from it all –people are going to do what they want to do. No matter what you or anyone else has to say about it. So if you ever do find yourself in a position that you discover your friend’s boo cheating, here are some things to consider…

  1. Have proof…

    Whatever you do, make sure you have actual proof of the cheating! Don’t go stirring the pot based on hearsay. Come correct and present only facts!

  2. Know that your name will indeed be brought up…

    When you tell your friend what you know, you must also know that they are going to confront their partner. Even when you make them promise not to bring your name up – they will! Be prepared for the backlash from their partner- because you’ve ultimately exposed them for what they really are and they are not going to like it. 

  3. Your friend may not react in the way that you expect them to…

    I think for most of us, if we go to our friend with this information, we’d assume that they take this and end the relationship. But you’d be surprised. Do not walk into this situation with expectations because you leave room for disappointment. Instead focus on being a good friend, no matter what your friend decides to do.

*Be sure to preorder your copy of Dilemmas Of a Damsel NOW on Amazon!