The Ex Files...
In the world of dating, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet the one you simply can’t live without. But have you ever stopped and wondered if you’ve missed out on something? Do you find yourself reevaluating your past and questioning your decisions? Have you ever crossed paths with an ex that you swore you were over? However, for whatever reason on that particular day you see them, they look, smell, seem extra good? Good enough to make you want that old thang back! What do you do? Do you pounce on the opportunity to give things another try, or do you keep your distance? When it comes to rekindling things with an ex, it is ever a good idea?
Success rates seem to vary on the topic of rekindled romance. Some people are able to reunite, and ride off into a blissful sunset together. While others get back together and quickly realize why they left in the first place. Regardless of the scenario, I think one thing we can all agree on is that you can’t put a statistic on love. Being in love can be very intricate and complex, and every loving relationship is unique. Let’s face it; some couples ultimately breakup to make up. And sometimes, having some time apart makes you realize and appreciate what you have in the first place. In that case – do you boo-boo. This post is more so geared towards those situations where a substantial amount of time has passed since things came to an end. You two have had a chance to let the dust settle and both made attempts to move on. I’m sure there are plenty of reasons people have for wanting to get back with an ex. Maybe things ended way too soon, perhaps breaking up wasn’t what you really wanted or you feel you haven’t met anyone that has quite compared. Whatever the reason, breakups definitely suck. For me personally, it takes me awhile to be done with someone. However, once I’m done – that’s it, there’s no point of return. The likelihood that I’d ever want you back or desire a reconnection will be slim to none. I look at is as we didn’t work out for a reason and I’d much rather prefer to reflect, learn the hard lessons, and then move on. Adios! Sayonara! See you later! No love lost over here.
Now I know that you all don’t share my views and getting over someone you have history with may be pretty difficult. Instead of cursing their existence and thinking good riddance, you find yourself wondering “what if?”, even eager to give things another shot if the opportunity ever presented itself. Rekindling things with an ex can be very tricky. There are so many things that should be taken into consideration. One thing is for certain - you’ve got your work cut out for you. To tell you the truth, there’s no master plan or clear-cut way to go about this. However, there are a few things you need to consider before you go ahead and open that ex file…
1. Do you really want them back?
It’s important to ensure that you want to rekindle things for all the right reasons. Do you really want to get back with your ex, or are you just bored, lonely, depressed, or horny? It’s easy to run back to what’s familiar to us. But just because it’s familiar, doesn’t automatically make it good. Running back to something for the wrong reasons (like fear) will leave you right back at square one. You owe it to yourself to make sure your heart is in the right place first and then go from there.
2. Be real about what went wrong.
In my opinion, this is key (and the main reason why I keep my exes in the past). Yes, the good times meant something. But before you hatch a plan to win your old love back, ask yourself: Do the good times outweigh the bad? And if they do, are you willing to put in the work to resolve the issues that tore you apart? This involves taking ownership for what you may have done to contribute to the break up, not just placing blame on the other person or circumstances. If not, then keep it moving! There’s no sense in getting back together if you’re going to keep having the same fights and disagreements.
3. Are you willing to start over with a clean slate?
After you’ve been honest about your issues, you need to figure out if you’re able to leave the past in the past. I think where a lot of people go wrong is jumping back into a relationship with their ex without coming to terms with what tore them apart in the first place. Instead, they reenter the relationship harboring the same resentments. No matter who did what, or who did who wrong, if you want things to work you have to let bygones be bygones. If you can’t, that’s perfectly fine – just be honest with yourself! If your relationship is going to have a shot you need to enter it with an open mind and forgiving heart and that ultimately means letting things go.
What are some other things that should be considered when getting back with an ex? Would you ever do so if you had the chance?