Lifestyle

Not So Great Expectations…

I wrote this blog a few years back at my sister site Spot86 that I wanted to share with you guys. Life is a beautiful thing. One thing is for sure, nothing is perfect and nothing is guaranteed.  So many things can happen, so many things can change. With that being said, why do we make things difficult by having so many expectations? Are you still waiting for that guy that keeps playing games to change? Do you wonder why that one friend is never truly excited for you? Does frustration take over you the minute you think about how hard your new job or school has been? Are you hard on a family member because they are not living up to your expectations? If any of this is the case, you are in essence, setting yourself up for disappointment. The truth is; having too many expectations is not that great.

Please do not confuse having expectations with having goals, hopes, and dreams. Although they are similar in a way, these are not the same thing. Having a goal(s) means having a direction in life that boosts your motivation to achieve a desired result. Having hope fuels your spirit; it is what keeps you going when things get rough. Having an expectation means having a preconceived idea of the way and when things will happen. Having expectations is not necessarily a bad thing, but you could be setting yourself up for disappointment if you have too many unrealistic expectations. I like to think of an unrealistic expectation as something you believe you have control over: people’s perception of you, people’s actions, or that things are supposed to be perfect and easy all the time etc., that you really don’t. So after being let down, you constantly find yourself feeling hurt, angry, or discouraged. For example, have you ever been with someone who continues to show you their true colors? Deep down you know they are no good for you, but you stick around because in your mind you have already made future plans with this person and you are just waiting for them to get it together and be all that you want them to be? Yet time and time again, they show you they are unable to live up to your expectations. Or, do you resent starting your business because it is not as easy as you envisioned it to be? These are unrealistic expectations.


Things happen, life is a journey and we are only human. There is nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself and having a plan. But when you let the perfect image of the future you painted for yourself dictate your life, you will find yourself constantly dissatisfied. When you get caught up in the disappointment you feel from unmet expectations, you risk a life of misery, pushing the ones you care about away, or simply giving up on your dreams. In fact, you’re not truly living, you’re letting life pass you by. When you can keep your expectations in check and understand that things are not always easy or perfect, you are able to live a more happy life. Here are a few things to remember that can help you let go of those “great” expectations…

  1. You are No Puppet-Master!

You are not in control of everything. You cannot control how others perceive you, or how they do things. You cannot control the way someone else views the world, their reactions or actions, or the way things in life seem to work out. And simply put, you cannot control the universe! The best thing you can do is to surround yourself around people and things that bring you joy and try to learn from life as you go.

 

  1. Have an Open Mind!

As I stated earlier, you are not in control of everything. Things may happen in a way that you may not trust or understand. The best thing you can do is to roll with the punches and adjust when necessary. Don’t get so caught up in your own expectations that you let great opportunities pass you by. Open yourself up to new things and possibilities. Be open to differences of opinion, and different perspectives. Who knows, you may have a lot to gain from the experience.

 

  1. Acceptance is Key!

Accepting the things you can’t change is vital. Accept the unexpected will occur.  Accept others for who they are. Trust and accept the process you are going through. Accept that again, you are not in control of everything.  And accept that life is not easy. If, after all that, you still find yourself feeling down, it may be time to make some changes and remove yourself from certain situations.  After all, acceptance does not mean settling.

 

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  • Reply
    Monidipa
    July 1, 2018 at 3:01 pm

    Sometimes accepting things are hard but we should. Having an open mind helps it but not always. The points you have mentioned here if anyone reads it deeply they can understand that every point is related to eachother

  • Reply
    Sandy
    July 1, 2018 at 8:11 pm

    I love your point about acceptance is key. I tend to be a control-freak and letting go is hard to do. I need to work on this one for sure!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth O
    July 2, 2018 at 8:39 pm

    This is a really good post. I definitely got inspired to let go of some things that have been chewing at me for a while. Really great advice.

  • Reply
    kumamonjeng
    July 2, 2018 at 11:32 pm

    The more expecatations we have for others, the sadder we will be. But then we certainly need to set right expectation for ourselves, our goal at least. Really inspiring post.

  • Reply
    Ashley
    July 3, 2018 at 12:42 am

    You touched on a true topic with expectations vs. reality and goals! Our expectations can cause possible disappointments which is why we should definitely have an open mind like you mentioned!

  • Reply
    Kesha Holloway
    July 3, 2018 at 1:40 am

    I think so many people focus on the things they can’t change that it causes them to forget about perfecting the things they do have control over. Letting go is probably the best thing that most of us can do for ourselves and for those closest to us. Marriage has taught me that I can’t control everything I must trust my husband. I now have a partner and don’t have to do life alone or strive for perfectionism.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      July 5, 2018 at 2:01 pm

      You’re so right Kesha!

  • Reply
    Nailil
    July 3, 2018 at 2:24 am

    Love this post and your outfit is on point. Come link up at the Trendy Thursday LinkUp Party sometime. 😉

    Nailil
    http://www.thirtyminusone.com

  • Reply
    Preet
    July 3, 2018 at 10:53 am

    This is so lovely! How I wish I was as talented and could pull off such a look.
    I love this outfit it fits together really well.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      July 5, 2018 at 2:00 pm

      Thank you!

  • Reply
    Nati
    July 3, 2018 at 12:11 pm

    Your article is wise and comes to me in a perfect timing. In fact, I am not a person with high expectations, I use to say “I get what life wants to give me”. Yes, it is true, however, I also work my as* off to get what I want, but with the inner awareness that I might not get it. This has worked for me most times, but it has also been a negative thing for me. I read a lot lately “you have to work hard and want it harder in order to be successful”. But saying this puts too much pressure on people, because they generate false expectations. It’s not true! sometimes you can desire it hard and work even harder and still not get it, because it does not depend on you totally. Most people omit to mention there is a part of luck (or fate, or whatever you want to call it) because they think that this will diminish their merits. Well, there you go, I was caught by these thoughts when I found your article and I thought “how appropriate!”

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      July 5, 2018 at 1:59 pm

      Hey Nati! I’m so glad you enjoyed my post! I have to say that I agree with you! Fate/luck does play into it as well.

  • Reply
    Olayiwola
    July 3, 2018 at 3:31 pm

    Accepting the things you can’t change is vital – someone once told me if you cant change something disdain it! Lets say i really want an iPhone and i cant afford it i would say iPhone is too expensive its probably not worth it …lol

  • Reply
    Olena
    July 3, 2018 at 6:16 pm

    Thanks for giving me 3 reminders I truly needed!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      July 5, 2018 at 1:56 pm

      You’re welcome!

  • Reply
    Fauzia
    July 3, 2018 at 9:18 pm

    A lovely blog. I suppose you can expect in certain situations, where you have put in 100%.

    Fauzia
    http://Glamourandglamorous.com

  • Reply
    Autumn Murray
    July 4, 2018 at 5:22 pm

    I agree that there is nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself and having a plan. I just need to sit down and create a plan!

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