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Relationships

How to be Better (Not Bitter) After a Breakup

Last week legendary rapper, Nas, shocked us all when he took to his Instagram account and posted a 7-part tell all about his nasty custody battled with ex-wife and famed singer Kelis. Let’s just say – it was pretty shocking, especially since just a few months earlier, Kelis alleged that Nas was abusive AF during their five-year marriage. Since their divorce in 2010, many of us have watched from the sidelines as the two have been in and out of court duking it out for custody of their child. However, Kelis’ latest accusations had us all clutching our pearls! Fast forward five months, Nas has come forward with this side of the story. I guess we’ll never truly know the dynamics of their relationship and what actually went down, but,I have to say that a breakup can really bring out the worst in people. It’s important to remember when separating from a partner, it’s important to be better, not bitter in the end.

Have you ever been with someone who you felt brought out the worst in you? Like, they had the ability to make you do things you never thought you’d do? I think many of us have experienced this lack of self-control at one time or another in our lives, especially our maturity hasn’t fully developed. No one is perfect and I’m certain that we’ve all made less than wise decisions and downright embarrassed ourselves when it comes to matters of the heart. But ideally, when the dust settles, both parties should be able to move on with their lives and on to better things. Keyword here is IDEALLY. We all know that is easier said than done. As we’ve seen with the Nas-Kelis drama, the bitterness shared between two people can be dragged on for years!

 

You may feel the need to air out their dirty laundry, slander their name, keep their kids away from them etc. But this kind of behavior is soooo immature! Trust me, I know there are situations where you may need to protect your kids and keeping a distance may be best, and there is nothing wrong with sharing and living in your truth (as far as abuse is concerned.) But as a spectator, you can almost always tell when there is malicious intent behind it. So tread lightly! As I discussed in my previous post The Ex Files, sometimes its better to leave things in the past, no matter how pissed they still make you feel. Going out of your way to make someone else’s life hell is so time-consuming and requires way too much energy! Trust me, there’s nothing cute about looking bitter! Especially if the other person has moved on. Here are some things to remember when you feel your rage from a breakup sneaking in…

 

  1. Think before you act/lash out – Sometimes, our emotions can take over and cloud our judgment. This can cause us to do things that we are less than proud of. When you feel your emotions growing out of control, take a moment to breathe and think things through before you go out of your way to be bitter.
  2. Seek therapy – Talking to a professional about the breakup (or anything troubling) helps. A therapist may be able to help you move on from things by offering insight, and guidance that you never would’ve seen yourself.
  3. You can’t change the past – It’s that simple. So stop trying to and come to terms with what happened. No matter what you do, or say – shit happened. Don’t become a victim to it.
  4. Stop giving the other person the satisfaction of seeing you sweat – I mean…carrying on in a way that let’s them know that you’ve still haven’t come to terms or moved on with things, only makes you look bad, no matter how wrong you think they were – right?
  5. Hurt people, HURT people – I know, I know. I sound like a broken record right? But damn it… it’s the truth! When you’ve truly moved on, you’re definitely not concerned with making your ex’s life a living hell!
  6. Take back your power – When you allow some one to have so much control over you that it causes you to act out in a certain way, you’ve given them way too much power. No one should have control over your actions except for YOU!

 

 

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2 Comments

  • Reply
    Abina George
    September 13, 2018 at 5:19 pm

    This article was so important because many people don’t realize that being bitter steals your own happiness away and doesn’t allow for healing.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      September 16, 2018 at 7:59 pm

      Exactly!!! Thanks for reading love!

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