Dating Tips

Why Black Women Should Become Equal Opportunity Daters…

Hey guys! I hope you all missed me as much as I’ve missed you! I’ve been so busy writing books, working events, and such but I’m back and ready to chat. As many of you all know – I love my girl, Issa Rae! She’s a sister that can do no wrong in my eyes; she’s down to earth, driven, witty, and a boss. Like many of her fans, I’m just patiently waiting for season three of Insecure to start (Umm HBO – Chop! Chop!) Well this past week, Ms. Issa has been a major topic of discussion. To be frank, she seemed to have pissed off quite a few people with an excerpt that surfaced from her 2015 memoir “The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl”. In it, she discusses the challenges successful black women face in the romance department. She then suggests that black women should date Asian men since they’ve also been labeled as the least desirable when it comes to dating. That would seem like a logical solution right? It depends on who you ask. Now I haven’t read the book, yet, but I’d think that people would know that anything that comes from Issa Rae will have some humor tucked in there. That being said, I think there’s a bigger issue at hand. As time moves us forward, interracial relationships are on the rise. In addition, statistics show that black women outnumber black men AND black men are twice as likely to date/marry outside of their race. But when a black woman does it or encourages others to do so it’s given the major side eye. What’s up with that?

I want to just say that I’m an advocate for LOVE! I think many of you have gathered that by now. If not, just know that I’m a hopeless romantic! I believe we all deserve to have our shot at love and our own personal version of “happily ever after”. That being said, I’m also very much a black woman and I’m SICK of the double standards when it comes to us. As women, why can’t we be it all and have it all too (love, motherhood, a career etc.)? We’ve been killing it out here; getting our degrees, starting businesses, and climbing those corporate ladders. All while still being told by society that we’re undesirable, unloving, and just unworthy. The idea is pushed on us constantly, at any given time some of your favorite artists brag about dating a “foreign” or white women. Honestly, it can be pretty damn frustrating and hurtful. I don’t blame my fellow sisters for wanting to expand their horizons and deciding to encourage others to become EOD (Equal Opportunity Daters).

via GIPHY


Please don’t think I’m saying give up on black men and kick them to the curb! Because I’m definitely not an advocate of that. However, there’s nothing wrong with trying a new flavor from time to time! If we’re being honest here, even if we all wanted to stick to our own and only date black men, as I stated before, there aren’t enough to go around – so what are we to do? Go through this life alone? Hell to the NO! So I’m sorry folks, but y’all Issa haters are going to have to have a seat! At the end of the day, love is love. Date whoever you want to date! Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and try something new. Because we’re all deserving of true love – it doesn’t matter if your partner is black, white, red, or blue.

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  • Reply
    Courtney
    May 3, 2018 at 3:13 pm

    I tend to keep my thoughts to myself on this topic, so as to not say anything offesnive to anyone. So in short, I’ll just say this… "love is blind, despite the world’s attempt to give it eyes."

    Courtney

  • Reply
    Wytrina
    May 3, 2018 at 6:11 pm

    Great post! I’ve dated outside my race but always find myself back with the BM 😍 lol but I totally agree!!!! Love is not based on skin color but I will say there will be much to learn and teach. It’s actually fun and intriguing to date outside your race.

  • Reply
    Kate
    May 3, 2018 at 6:35 pm

    I was just speaking on this topic earlier with a friend, I couldn’t agree more! Great read!

  • Reply
    John
    May 3, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    First, Issa Rae insinuated Black men were stupid when she emphasized Asian men’s intelligence by comparison. That’s antiblack and self hating. Secoond, only loser, uneducated and virgin Asian men even bother with Black women. Educated Asian men don’t date Black women, and will never date Black women. Third, Educated Asian men don’t want educated Black women. Issa Rae begging Asian men only shows that she’s desperate for an anti-black group, Asian men, that don’t want her.

  • Reply
    John
    May 3, 2018 at 10:37 pm

    Black women have always outnumbered Black men. That’s not reason to bedwench or encourage interracial. Asian men consider Black women the least desirable of all women according to OKCupid. Asian men contribute to the environment that Black women are unwanted and undesirable, so why is Issa Rae encouraging Black women to chase racialists?

  • Reply
    Telia
    May 4, 2018 at 10:19 pm

    Being a person in an interracial relationship, my fiance is white and I am black, and have dated a few different races (White, Black, Asian, and Mexican), i think it’s one of those things that comes down to how people are raised and how they see their mothers, aunts, and sisters being treated and how they act. I can say for one thing that the only person that I had dated and had a bad break up with was the black man. And the reason that didn’t work out was because he treated me as if I was unintelligent and was just some typical girl from the hood because that was what he was used to seeing from a black women and he didn’t like the fact that I had an extensive vocabulary (He would constantly ask me why I talked so proper and used so many big words and then would proceed to tell me that I annoyed him when I did that). But my point is I think that people need to stop making race a huge factor in who they date. The important thing is that you are loved, treated well, and the relationship is a healthy one.

  • Reply
    Simone
    May 5, 2018 at 2:58 am

    Couldn’t agree more! Interracial dating does come with its own special set of challenges, but the most important thing in any relationship is being loved and respected no matter what race they are.

  • Reply
    Gladys Parker
    May 6, 2018 at 5:24 pm

    My daughter in law is black and white. My son is white and my grandson is a boy. A cute lovable little boy just like his mother and father! They both are loving spouses, they both are great parents and they both have degrees and bring home that money. I couldn’t be prouder. I do not understand why in our town alone why it is so common to see a black man with a white woman yet so uncommon to see a white man with a black man. I have a great friend whom is a widow. She is beautiful, she takes care of herself and her mom, has a great job and remains desperately single because she will only date black men and they are all dating every race. I hope I did not say anything offensive sometimes I just don’t know.

  • Reply
    Clarice / Camping for Women
    May 6, 2018 at 6:18 pm

    I would have to agree that yes, everyone should have equal opportunities. After all, all is fair in love and war. That encompasses all races, color and social standing.

  • Reply
    Pat
    May 6, 2018 at 6:59 pm

    In my opinion, people should consider someone’s character as the most important issue. Thanks for sharing this post.

  • Reply
    Hannah
    May 6, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    I like that you’re talking about love and it really is the most important thing here to state. The race is not important and people should not stray from other people because they are not the same color as they are. All it matters is that the person you’re dating is the right choice for you mentally. Everything else is just too shallow.

  • Reply
    Explorethe6
    May 6, 2018 at 11:49 pm

    Totally understand Issa’s viewpoint here. It’s sad that in 2018 this is still even a topic of discussion! I say, people should really focus on finding someone who they can be themselves with. That’s what matters most end of the day.

  • Reply
    kumamonjeng
    May 7, 2018 at 12:12 am

    I can’t agree more with this article. It doesn’t matter what your color of your skin tone, date whoever deserve us! At the end of the day, it is the personality of the person count, not the skin color.

  • Reply
    Czjai
    May 7, 2018 at 3:24 am

    From what I’ve heard (read), she said that black women should date Asians except Filipinos. She even said that Filipinos are the blacks of Asia, and that we’re not intelligent like the Chinese and Japanese? What’s her beef with Filipinos?

  • Reply
    Julie
    May 7, 2018 at 3:49 am

    Great article! I love black men, but I believe BW should date and love on who loves and appreciates them. in short, love should be reciprocal.

  • Reply
    Khushboo
    May 7, 2018 at 5:04 pm

    That is an interesting perspective. I suppose if you like a person, you should date them irrespective of race, nationality or religion 🙂

  • Reply
    Elizabeth O
    May 7, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    You hit the nail on the head when you said we are all deserving of true love. I agree with this, for me love is love and it matter not about race, religion or nationality.

  • Reply
    Daisy
    May 7, 2018 at 8:53 pm

    I think character is the most important thing to consider when considering dating anyone… race does not matter to me just that I will be treated with respect…

  • Reply
    Cia Black
    May 7, 2018 at 11:32 pm

    This is a very powerful post. Very real and very open about it. I agree with post so much. Race should not matter.

  • Reply
    Holly
    May 8, 2018 at 12:22 am

    You have such a great perspective. Love this. Thank you for the encouraging words….it really made me think.

  • Reply
    britney
    May 8, 2018 at 3:29 am

    I love your point of view on this! Such a powerful idea but you made some great points.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:14 pm

      Thanks love !

  • Reply
    Terri Beavers
    May 8, 2018 at 4:44 am

    love is blind, you cant make yourself love someone because of their color.

  • Reply
    Nati
    May 8, 2018 at 9:03 am

    Reading your article triggered my thoughts in so many directions in one second! You really made me reflect!
    Firstly I must say, I come from a country where black race is almost non-existent. Our race differences are between caucasian and aboriginals, mostly (this is Argentina, different from Brazil where there are more races). So what I will say maybe does not apply to african-american (?). I think for most people there is this idea that because we belong to the same race/country/political ideology/religion, etc. we have more in common with someone. That could be generally true, let’s admit it. So I think for this social belief we seek people that are SIMILAR to us. But as you say, it all depends on what are you ready to give up on when you start exploring out of these circles of SIMILARITIES. (I hope I’m being clear). Probably you have much more similarities with an Asian man who grew up in your neighbourhood that with another black man who was raised in Ethiopia… right? I think dating men from other races is not as much of a problem because of the colour of the skin but because of the cultural background of the person! Intercultural couples are a tough thing, but not impossible.
    I married 15 years ago a man. I didn’t speak his mother tongue. He didn’t speak mine either. We both spoke English as a "neutral tongue". We were raised in different continents, me in Southamerica, he in Europe. Still, we have a lot in common!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:14 pm

      Hi Nati! Thank you so much for your insight and I def understand what you’re saying. I truly believe we can make anything work if we are really committed to doing so!

  • Reply
    wiola
    May 8, 2018 at 12:43 pm

    Oh I love this part: I want to just say that I’m an advocate for LOVE! I agree… double standard shouldn’t even exist! Let’s date whoever we feel comfortable dating and that is what really matters!

  • Reply
    Corina
    May 8, 2018 at 12:47 pm

    Well that’s exactly what I’m about to do after yet another recently failed relationship 🙂 put myself out there and try something absolutely different from my usual pattern because obviously that’s not been working for me greatly so far 🙂

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:12 pm

      Sorry to hear about your relationship!! But nothing wrong with bouncing back!! Have fun xoxo

  • Reply
    Rachel
    May 8, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    An advocate of love – Iove the idea of this! An interesting read indeed! People should be able to date who they like as long as it makes them happy (and they are both single!!)

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      Amen to that!

  • Reply
    Tee Forever
    May 9, 2018 at 12:07 am

    I 100% agree. Love is love and it comes in all shades and sizes. Black men are amazing. I think in every culture there are different types of people so, it’s like the old saying, if we keep hooking up with the same type of dudes, we’ll continue to get the same results regardless of their culture or background. Cool post!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      Thank you for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed it!

  • Reply
    Jagriti Roy
    May 11, 2018 at 3:02 pm

    It always surprise me whenever people starts to discriminate people depending on their body colour. It is so ruthless and annoying sometimes too. I think in every sect of life each people should get equal opportunity irrespective of their skin colour. We Asian people often get bullied sometimes badly just for such kind of racist thought of few white people.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:11 pm

      Racism is never ok! That’s why I think it’s good for us to start to step out of our comfort zone and interact/date different people!

  • Reply
    Phea
    May 14, 2018 at 3:32 am

    I agree sometimes we woman, need a different flavour

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:10 pm

      Yes – keep things spicy!

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