Dating Tips

Why You Should Think Twice Before Sending a Nude Photo…

Last week it was reported that singer and Love and Hip-hop Hollywood star, Teairra Mari’s (ex?) boyfriend released a sex tape for the world to see, without her consent. Now since this story has dropped, there have been many twists and turns that I refuse to get into (it’s just too messy in my opinion). Instead, I’d like to focus on a much larger and sadly common issue – revenge porn. It’s no secret that we live in a digital age, we have so many things at our fingertips; that type of freedom is actually pretty liberating if you ask me. But where there is good, there’s also bad! I think it’s safe to say that revenge porn is a prime example of what’s not so good about the internet.

For those that don’t know, revenge porn can be defined as sexually suggestive images (pictures/videos), typically of a former romantic partner that are posted online or otherwise shared without the person’s consent. Over the last decade, there have been plenty of celebrities that have been victimized by their own private sexual photos and homemade movies – (Think Blac Chyna, Leslie Jones, and Jennifer Lawrence). Whether you’re rich and famous, or a regular girl like me, it’s an act that is malicious and downright disturbing, but sadly hard to punish in most places. Although many are advocating for this heinous act to be punishable as a federal crime, there’s still ways to go. As it stands, there are currently 38 states plus the District of Columbia that have revenge porn laws in place. (Click here to see your state’s stance on the issue.) The problem is, these crimes are treated differently once you cross state borders. In one state revenge porn is seen as a misdemeanor and another may treat it as a felony. Because of this, many victims feel like they are getting the short end of the stick.

It’s important to note that anyone of us could fall victim to revenge porn. It’s not only a problem for women, men can be victimized as well. According to a 2016 study by the Data & Society Research Institute, 1 in every 25 people have been a victim of their naked photos or videos being shared, or posted without their consent. Reasons for these acts vary – it can be a disgruntled ex-lover, a hacker looking to have a ransom paid, or a certified creep that gets their rocks off by sharing sexual photos with other creeps! What’s scary is that once something is online, it’s hard to erase. For the rest of your life, you run the risk of your friends, family, and colleagues seeing this stuff and asking you uncomfortable questions. Even if you’re successful in getting a site to remove your images, the internet is permanent and it’s extremely easy to snap a screen shot or save a raunchy video. (If you’ve ever been a victim – click here).

 

 

 

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with keeping things spicy in a relationship, or having fun. Sexting is a relevant part of our culture now. However, you have to be smart! So before you take that risque’ photo and send it to your boo, remember these easy tips…

1. No face – no trace! 

That’s right. If you feel compelled to send something, avoid showing your face, tattoos, or anything else that people may be able to recognize. That way if something leaks, you don’t feel like a scarlet letter has been stamped on your forehead!

2. Protect your devices!

Hackers are EVERYWHERE and they are crafty! Protect yourself by protecting your devices. Create difficult passwords and change them periodically, lock your phones and all that good stuff. Don’t make things so easy for them.

3. Know your audience! 

I think this is pretty self-explanatory but so many of us neglect to really do so. Before you open up and share something so private, know who you’re dealing with. What’s their level of maturity, how do they deal with anger, are they trustworthy? These are questions you need to ask yourself BEFOREHAND. If the vibe is off – there is no shame in denying their request!

Sadly, there are no easy solutions to this revenge porn problem. But that doesn’t mean we can’t all benefit from smartening up! I hope you’ll truly consider thinking twice before sending those nudes! Until next time…XOXO

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  • Reply
    Toni
    May 18, 2018 at 11:28 am

    Mannnn…this definitely doesn’t come as a surprise. When it doubt, go to God! Lol. Technology is not our friend sometimes.

    This was a great post. One MANY women can live by!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:10 pm

      Technology IS NOT! I agree. Thanks girl!

  • Reply
    Tina
    May 18, 2018 at 1:32 pm

    This was a great read. No face no trace. That’s a word!! 🙌🏾

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:09 pm

      Thanks Tina!

  • Reply
    Courtney
    May 18, 2018 at 2:09 pm

    Great post and right on time!! Very important to know your audience and have a very good foundation and understanding in place before you go there with a person. No face no trace is a good rule of thumb when casually dating and just starting to feel someone. But that gets a little tricky when you’re actually in a relationship and that person is your partner. You’d think you could trust them enough to not have to hide yourself. Sadly, ppl can’t be trusted. We gotta be more careful. Sn: can you believe T Mari’s alleged “boyfriend” (or ex now) is actually a married man?! Ppl have some nerve! Lol

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:09 pm

      That’s a great point! We just have to be more careful all around.

      And girl no! The whole story is a nightmare!

  • Reply
    Lyosha
    May 20, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    No face not trace is great! But I actually don’t see anything wrong in nude photos. It’s just a body, there is nothing to be ashamed of.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:08 pm

      I love your confidence! It’s def easier to feel that way when your face isn’t in the pic!

  • Reply
    Nailil
    May 20, 2018 at 2:43 pm

    This is such a delicate topic. The best policy is probably to stay away from taking these types of photos/videos all together.

    Nailil,
    http://thirtyminusone.com/

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:08 pm

      Super delicate! And I agree xoxo

  • Reply
    Annie
    May 20, 2018 at 3:35 pm

    This terrifies me! There are even apps you can use to take screenshots of snapchats without it notifying the other person. Nothing is safe.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:07 pm

      Wow I didn’t know that!

  • Reply
    Justin
    May 20, 2018 at 4:28 pm

    This is crazy! I did not know about the 38 states having revenge porn laws. No face no trace!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:07 pm

      No face no trace! That’s my motto – if you must

  • Reply
    Julie Plagens
    May 20, 2018 at 9:10 pm

    These are good suggestions. I would add that waiting until marriage to have sex cures most of this problem. And not videoing or taking pictures like this period. Unfortunately, we live an a society that is not willing to delay gratification. It’s worth reevaluating your morals and values and looking for the most protection possible so that we as women retain the most control over our bodies and our reputation.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:07 pm

      Interesting point. I think that different things work for different couples, but that’s not to say you should be completely naive! Set boundaries.

  • Reply
    Luci
    May 21, 2018 at 7:36 am

    I think you shouldn’t send any nude pictures at all because of all the hackers that could get into you iCloud account like a lot of celebrities.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:06 pm

      Yes people have to be very careful!

  • Reply
    Jo
    May 21, 2018 at 9:05 am

    Never knew about these laws in place but I’m glad to hear it. You never know when someone might turn on you, so it’s best to not send these things at all!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      I agree!

  • Reply
    CJ
    May 21, 2018 at 10:47 am

    I’ve never sent a nude, and never plan to. This just cements why I shouldn’t. Thank you.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      No problem!

  • Reply
    Elizabeth
    May 21, 2018 at 11:45 am

    I can confess I’ve never sent a nude, and nor do I ever intend to! Fingers crossed my kid never do either.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      Fingers crossed!

  • Reply
    Corina
    May 21, 2018 at 12:17 pm

    I absolutely agree dear! I mean, I’d have to be very certain of a person to send them nude pics of myself, and unfortunately in this age being in a relationship with someone does not mean they’re decent…I’ve had moment when I really wanted to send my boyfriends some nude pics, but I’m glad I didn’t seeing as to how they acted when the relationship came to an end…

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:05 pm

      Glad you dodged that bullet! Thanks for stopping by xoxo

  • Reply
    Elizabeth O
    May 21, 2018 at 12:51 pm

    It is sad that people do this, I don’t know why we cannot all just move on from one another when a relationship falls a part. Great tips though on how to stay safe.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:03 pm

      It’s really sad and very scary! It just adds another element to dating and making sure to pick the right partner!

  • Reply
    Ivan Jose
    May 21, 2018 at 2:55 pm

    This is a subject that I never thought someone would tackle. I would never do that but for adventurous people, this is a good set of tips to keep in mind.

    Ivan
    https://www.ivankhristravels.com

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:02 pm

      It’s a very tough topic! Thanks Ivan !

  • Reply
    Adriana
    May 21, 2018 at 5:01 pm

    It is so sad that this is what our generation has come to these days.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      May 22, 2018 at 2:02 pm

      I agree!

  • Reply
    Mika
    May 22, 2018 at 4:23 pm

    It’s so sad that something like this even exists. Yes, one should take all the measures they can to prevent themselves from getting into something like this. Absolutely agree with all your tips.

  • Reply
    Msddah
    May 23, 2018 at 12:13 pm

    I saw a movie yesterday and a lady sent a nude photo to her boyfriend and it later ended up in front of a newspaper. I dont know why people do this. I dont think a man that loves a woman will ask her to send a nude photo!

  • Reply
    Jennifer
    May 23, 2018 at 5:36 pm

    Ug. It’s so sad to be able to trust someone and then have them betray that trust once the relationship is over. So sad! 🙁

  • Reply
    DreciaRenee
    May 24, 2018 at 1:22 pm

    Such a scary topic. It’s sad that a person you thought loved (or even liked) would do such a thing. Definitely have to take care of yourself. If you must send, I’ve always said Tip #1 is one of the smartest moves.

  • Reply
    Dominique
    May 24, 2018 at 1:28 pm

    I am glad I missed this particular issue when I was dating! I tell my son "Don’t do it!" Even if you think you know your audience, hackers or other people on their phones can ruin that for you. Even if your married — if the relationship breaks up, your fun photos could be used against you in divorce proceedings!

    It is sad!

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