Relationships

Love Games – Is There a Cheating Double Standard?

Cheating is an unfortunate risk that comes with being in a relationship. It’s seen as the ultimate betrayal, a violation of trust. It can get ugly, especially when it’s played out in the public eye. Last year, it was Kevin Hart cheating on his pregnant wife, Eniko; and Jay-Z finally coming clean about cheating on Beyonce’. I think that it’s great these couples seemed to be committed to working on their marriages, especially through something like infidelity. Because let’s face it, being cheated on is not fun! Just speaking from experience, I’d be happy if I never feel that type of hurt again. Of course, what one couple goes through is not as easy as black and white. There are a ton of factors that may or may not go into a person’s decision to stay after the truth comes to light. When I saw these stories, I was instantly intrigued, I couldn’t help but wonder, if these roles were reversed would Kevin Hart or Jay-Z have stayed?

It’s pretty apparent that there’s a double standard that exists when it comes to cheating and forgiveness. To prove my point, I took a poll with my Instagram followers asking if they feel there is a cheating double standard. Over 80% of my followers voted yes! So ladies, why do we feel the need to stay? Isn’t one instance of infidelity enough? Would your man take you back if you cheated on him? Society has this idea that monogamy isn’t as natural for men as it is for women. In fact, it’s believed that women are generally more faithful and forgiving. It’s like we are pre-programmed to accept cheating as an ugly part that comes with being in a committed relationship. Personally, I call bullshit!


We live in a time where women can have just as much uncommitted sex as men, if not more. (Read my blog – “A Woman’s Right to Hoe”) That being said, it seems men have less tolerance for being played. According to society, fewer guys are willing to stay and work things out if they find out they’ve been cheated on. I guess it has a lot to do with the male ego. I found this to be quite interesting, so I asked some guys their opinion on the topic. Many said that men cheat more because women simply allow it. They explained that if we were to put our foot down, and stop giving so many second, third, and sometimes, fourth chances they wouldn’t cheat. On the flip-side, to my pleasant surprise, I also asked them would they forgive their lady if she cheated. Many said yes, but only once, because mistakes do happen.

via GIPHY


It seems that we could learn a thing or two from our male counterparts ladies because I really think they are on to something. In fact, I think we stand to learn from one another. We all have different boundaries and things we simply won’t deal with, that has nothing to do with gender. I for one don’t agree with cheating at all. In my opinion, if you feel the need to cheat, you should just be single. However, I do believe that mistakes do happen. And if you and your partner are equally committed to addressing the issues in your relationship that caused the cheating in the first place, that’s your business! However, that’s not to be confused with simply lowering your standards and accepting be played for a fool cause you’re scared to be alone. You deserve better sis! Some people aren’t incapable of changing and doing right by others. But that doesn’t mean you’re obligated to deal with it because of what’s between your legs. You have to love yourself before you can love someone else. That comes with knowing when to walk away from a toxic situation. Remember, “Fool me once, shame on you! Fool me twice, shame on me!” – George Horne.

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  • Reply
    Emily Fata, www.emulatingemily.com
    January 19, 2018 at 2:28 pm

    This was a really interesting read; I also believe that there’s a double standard in cheating, and it’s unfair. I think that society helps in moulding women to view relationships in a certain way, making them reluctant to leave .

  • Reply
    Cheryl
    January 19, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Really interesting post – really made me think about a lot of things. I’ve never really though about there being a double standard – but I agree it 100% exists.

  • Reply
    Elizabeth O
    January 20, 2018 at 12:45 pm

    I had never thought of cheating as a double standard but everything you said made complete sense. I agree it exists!

  • Reply
    Nicole Shillings
    January 20, 2018 at 7:53 pm

    I’m not sure what I think about the cheating double standard. I feel like the few cheaters I’ve knows (both men and women) had very similar experiences with the aftermath. Actually, now that I think about it, all the men I know who have been cheated on took their partners back.

  • Reply
    shadlyn
    January 20, 2018 at 9:28 pm

    Your article really had me thinking for awhile. You made a really good point! I am glad you end it by basically saying "You have to love yourself before you can love someone else." I have always been told by my parents and even myself.

  • Reply
    Shawn Alexus
    January 21, 2018 at 4:22 am

    Love it. If more women wouldn’t allow cheating, many men wouldn’t be so arrogant about it. They KNOW a woman has a forgiving heart and endless chances. I agree never fear being alone.

  • Reply
    Chelsea Elizabeth
    January 21, 2018 at 10:56 am

    I must admit, I’ve never really thought about it or considered it but after reading your points, I totally agree! You definitely have to love yourself first

  • Reply
    Rachel Evans
    January 21, 2018 at 3:46 pm

    I couldn’t agree more! I think talking about the situation as a couple and seeing how you can move forward is one thing, but I have so many friends who’s boyfriend has cheated on them and they have just overlooked it – it’s really hard to talk to my friends about it thought because they’d rather just pretend it didn’t happen.

  • Reply
    Shell
    January 21, 2018 at 8:07 pm

    I feel that male or female … once a cheater… always a cheater. There would be no working it out with me…. if my significant other cheated once that’s one time too many and they’d be gone.

  • Reply
    Calleigh
    January 21, 2018 at 9:39 pm

    The double standard of cheating always amazes me wherein the real issue with our society lies on how it looked upon differently between 2 sexes. Men are treated lightly when they cheat while two-timing women are more unforgivable, why treating separately for each sex? You can’t just blame one person as it takes two to tango. Oh well, I know nothing about you, but in this world loyalty is everything.
    From: <a href="https://www.theforkbite.com/thai-beef-salad/">Calleigh</a&gt;

  • Reply
    Liz Tumbridge
    January 21, 2018 at 9:57 pm

    I went for many years allowing myself to be cheated on by the same man, because I let myself believe that he wouldn’t do it again … over and over again. I had little to no self respect and absolutely no self worth. Things are different now though, and I’d never allow it to happen again. Thank you for this inspiring post. Your words are motivating and touching!

  • Reply
    Hunter
    January 21, 2018 at 10:23 pm

    Intriguing post. There are lots of societal and cultural complexities behind our standards of marriage. Like you, I’m glad to see couples work things out instead of leaving a partnership. Thanks for making us think.

  • Reply
    ms.p
    January 22, 2018 at 9:20 am

    Thought provoking indeed!
    I guess we need to not look at just the black and white and make some room for the grey!

  • Reply
    Lyosha
    January 22, 2018 at 11:42 am

    I don’t think cheating acceptable if it was wasn’t a rule of the relationship. I hardly can imagine myself being cheated by husband and I really don’t want even try to step into those shoes in my head.

    Lyosha
    http://lyoshathegirl.com

  • Reply
    Lisa Rios
    January 22, 2018 at 2:50 pm

    I totally think there is a double standard on many things with men and women. Cheating is so difficult to deal with, and it’s different for everyone/

  • Reply
    Cindy
    January 22, 2018 at 3:44 pm

    I believe you teach someone how to treat you, so trust and expectations are set at the beginning of a relationship. Every couple has to decide if the rift can be repaired and trust can be rebuilt.

  • Reply
    Emily Leary
    January 22, 2018 at 3:54 pm

    Cheating in relationships is such an emotional topic but I personally don’t think infidelity can ever be excused whether its a male or a female doing it!

  • Reply
    Stephanie Jeannot
    January 22, 2018 at 4:15 pm

    I liked that you took an opinion poll about this. This is a good way to view how people feel about this really, not too nice, topic. Cheating is such an ugly thing.

  • Reply
    indu
    January 22, 2018 at 4:28 pm

    You have elaborated on this subject from all perspectives. Many times cheating happens unnoticed.
    But when confronted, there are many factors that go in a decision of staying or not staying.

  • Reply
    Preet
    January 22, 2018 at 7:07 pm

    This is so inspiring post, you have touched this sensitive topic in such nice and thought-provoking manner. Cheating should not be accepted as it just violates the foundation of a relationship.

  • Reply
    Erica Ardali
    January 22, 2018 at 10:06 pm

    I think that we don’t talk about women who cheat often enough… however in this era of Love & Hip Hop it is just too widely acceptable for men to cheat on women and women to just run after him, fighting the other woman in the streets and other tomfoolery.

  • Reply
    Shubhada Bhide
    January 23, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    This is such an interesting post to read. Cheating in a relationship is the most disgusting, hurtful and disrespectful thing that we could do to someone that we really love.

  • Reply
    mily jain
    January 23, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    I definitely do not believe that one gender should be given any advantage over the other when it comes to infidelity…it is terrible and everyone should be held accountable equally..

  • Reply
    acupofassamtea
    January 23, 2018 at 1:37 pm

    This is such a sensitive topic. One know how does it feel going through it. Love the way you addressed it. Personally, I believe if something is not going right one should make it clear then cheating.

  • Reply
    Courtney
    January 23, 2018 at 7:40 pm

    The double standard is real, and it sucks. But I agree with your stance. If women stopped accepting it time after time, the narrative would change. I do believe like you said there are so many factors in why one stays so I’m not saying you should drop everything and run the instance that it happens. But I do think we need to move towards eliminating the double standard and advocating that cheating is wrong. Period. It’s not gender specific.

  • Reply
    Ra'Nesha
    January 24, 2018 at 3:53 am

    Interesting post I can’t say I agree or disagree you got a lot strong points we can talk about for days to come.

  • Reply
    Luci
    January 26, 2018 at 2:02 am

    I think there is a double standard for men cheating and women cheating, it seems men are more likely to be ‘forgiven’ if they cheat on their significant other. Women are basically marked for life. But what I believe is a major double standard is when celebrity men cheat people treat it like it didn’t happen at all, if they say sorry its okay.

  • Reply
    Taslyn
    January 27, 2018 at 3:46 pm

    I think wrong is wrong despite your man or woman the standards should be the same.

    <a href="http://www.taslynmatina.co.uk/">TaslynMatina</a&gt;

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