This past November, the Netflix show “She’s Gotta Have It” has been a major topic of discussion amongst men and women everywhere. The 10-episode series is a charming reboot of the 1986 Indie film (same title) written and directed by the legendary Spike Lee. The show’s protagonist is Nola Darling, a self-proclaimed “Sex-Positive, Polyamorous Pansexual”. In the show, Nola juggles being an artist while being preoccupied by four different lovers. The show addresses a number of modern issues including gentrification, racial profiling, illegal body enhancements, and sexual harassment. Let’s just say that in the midst of all that, Nola and what (or who) she was doing in her loving bed stirred up quite the conversation. In fact, it rubbed a few people the wrong way. The outrage got me thinking – for so long, society has praised single men that sleep around, coining them as bachelors or players. But when a single woman does it, she’s almost instantly branded a slut, thot, or hoe. I think many would agree that being single gives someone a chance to learn about themselves and what they like and want as far as relationships are concerned. So doesn’t that include sleeping around if that’s what one chooses to do? Much like our male counterparts, don’t women have a right to hoe?
There are different definitions, and furthermore, interpretations of what being a hoe actually is. Some folks automatically associate it with prostitution. While others use it as a label for women that have multiple partners. I actually came across a YouTube video that (tried) explained that you’re a hoe if the number of people you’ve slept with is more than half your age. My research was interesting to say the least. I’m going to keep things cute and simple for the sake of this post and say that when I use the term hoe I simply mean sex without commitment. I’m not here to judge anyone! But clearly there’s a double standard because men don’t have to deal with nearly as many terms or labels when they want to sleep around. (I’ll save that for another time though). However, what pisses me off about this entire debate is that we’re in 2017, soon to be 2018, and sexism is still very much prevalent in our society. If anything, I thought this was a time when the feminist and girl power movement was at an all-time high. But to this day, women are still being emotionally, professionally, and sexually oppressed. That being said, I’m here to tell you that every woman has the right to hoe.
Now of course, I’m not saying that you have to. In fact, some women have done the complete opposite – completely abstaining from sex until marriage (think Fantasia and Meghan Good) and it worked out well for them! But if you wake up one day and want to – that’s your choice! We live in a time, now more than ever, where it’s ok to be yourself and live in your truth. If commitment is not something you want right now, do you boo! Personally for me, I think waiting until you’re married to sleep with one person for the rest of your life is dated as hell and COULD be a recipe for disaster. (Only if you’ve never had sex before.) That ideology is a thing of the past. More specifically, marriage is not the end all be all for us anymore. That being said, are we supposed to live like nuns? Hell to the NO! Please don’t take offense to what I’m saying – hear me out. Sex is a part of life; it’s meant to be enjoyed.
What’s wrong with casual, non-monogamous sex amongst consenting adults? Not a damn thing. There’s something highly appealing about not having to answer to anyone regarding what or better yet, who you’re doing. But once you add commitment to the mix, expectations and the need to disclose soon follow. I think going through a hoe-phase benefits relationships in the long-run. It enables you to learn about yourself and figure out what you really want. You owe it to yourself to know exactly who you are and what you are before you can give yourself to anyone. That way, when it comes time to settle down (if that’s what you want), your eyes aren’t wandering and you’re not asking yourself “What if?” So if that requires you to take a few folks to bed… so be it!
Moral of the story: we are all adults here. People (men and women) should be able to express their sexuality without facing such harsh judgment. Quite frankly, it’s no one’s damn business what or who you decide to do!
So hoe on my friends! Just remember a few things…
1. Make sure that lifestyle is for you!
Fact: some folks can’t handle sleeping around. And that’s perfectly fine, better to know that if you ask me. Understand what you can and can’t handle first and then move forward. Don’t try to fill a void with sex; that can get messy and get you into some trouble.
2. Be smart!
Karma is very much a thing. Hoe on boo. But don’t be out here sleeping with people that are in relationships and things! You don’t need that on your conscience and there are plenty of fish in the sea.
3. Be safe!
I feel like this one is pretty self-explanatory. Either way, protect yourself and make sure you’re getting tested regularly.