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Relationships

The Ex Files…

In the world of dating, sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet the one you simply can’t live without. But have you ever stopped and wondered if you’ve missed out on something? Do you find yourself reevaluating your past and questioning your decisions? Have you ever crossed paths with an ex that you swore you were over? However, for whatever reason on that particular day you see them, they look, smell, seem extra good? Good enough to make you want that old thang back! What do you do? Do you pounce on the opportunity to give things another try, or do you keep your distance? When it comes to rekindling things with an ex, it is ever a good idea?

Success rates seem to vary on the topic of rekindled romance. Some people are able to reunite, and ride off into a blissful sunset together. While others get back together and quickly realize why they left in the first place. Regardless of the scenario, I think one thing we can all agree on is that you can’t put a statistic on love. Being in love can be very intricate and complex, and every loving relationship is unique. Let’s face it; some couples ultimately breakup to make up. And sometimes, having some time apart makes you realize and appreciate what you have in the first place. In that case – do you boo-boo.

This post is more so geared towards those situations where a substantial amount of time has passed since things came to an end. You two have had a chance to let the dust settle and both made attempts to move on. I’m sure there are plenty of reasons people have for wanting to get back with an ex. Maybe things ended way too soon, perhaps breaking up wasn’t what you really wanted or you feel you haven’t met anyone that has quite compared. Whatever the reason, breakups definitely suck. For me personally, it takes me awhile to be done with someone. However, once I’m done – that’s it, there’s no point of return. The likelihood that I’d ever want you back or desire a reconnection will be slim to none. I look at is as we didn’t work out for a reason and I’d much rather prefer to reflect, learn the hard lessons, and then move on. Adios! Sayonara! See you later! No love lost over here.

Now I know that you all don’t share my views and getting over someone you have history with may be pretty difficult. Instead of cursing their existence and thinking good riddance, you find yourself wondering “what if?”, even eager to give things another shot if the opportunity ever presented itself. Rekindling things with an ex can be very tricky. There are so many things that should be taken into consideration. One thing is for certain – you’ve got your work cut out for you. To tell you the truth, there’s no master plan or clear-cut way to go about this. However, there are a few things you need to consider before you go ahead and open that ex file…

1.     Do you really want them back?

It’s important to ensure that you want to rekindle things for all the right reasons. Do you really want to get back with your ex, or are you just bored, lonely, depressed, or horny? It’s easy to run back to what’s familiar to us. But just because it’s familiar, doesn’t automatically make it good. Running back to something for the wrong reasons (like fear) will leave you right back at square one. You owe it to yourself to make sure your heart is in the right place first and then go from there.

2.     Be real about what went wrong.

In my opinion, this is key (and the main reason why I keep my exes in the past). Yes, the good times meant something. But before you hatch a plan to win your old love back, ask yourself: Do the good times outweigh the bad? And if they do, are you willing to put in the work to resolve the issues that tore you apart? This involves taking ownership for what you may have done to contribute to the break up, not just placing blame on the other person or circumstances. If not, then keep it moving! There’s no sense in getting back together if you’re going to keep having the same fights and disagreements.

3.     Are you willing to start over with a clean slate?

After you’ve been honest about your issues, you need to figure out if you’re able to leave the past in the past. I think where a lot of people go wrong is jumping back into a relationship with their ex without coming to terms with what tore them apart in the first place. Instead, they reenter the relationship harboring the same resentments. No matter who did what, or who did who wrong, if you want things to work you have to let bygones be bygones. If you can’t, that’s perfectly fine – just be honest with yourself! If your relationship is going to have a shot you need to enter it with an open mind and forgiving heart and that ultimately means letting things go.

What are some other things that should be considered when getting back with an ex? Would you ever do so if you had the chance?

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  • Reply
    Troy
    November 9, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    This post couldn’t have come at a better time. I made the mistake of calling my ex recently for all the reasons outlined in “(1)”. Forty minutes into the conversation, I said to my “this is that bulls$it I ran away from” ! Proceed with caution Ladies most times things are better left in the past if they ended for a legitimately good reason.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 10, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      Haha!!! People rarely change! Some do, but most don’t. Keep it moving! Thanks for reading love xoxo

  • Reply
    Casi
    November 9, 2017 at 4:50 pm

    Ughh struggle with this one I’m still in love with ex and I want to work things out . There’s too many distractions I feel that get in the way . Good read

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 10, 2017 at 1:22 pm

      Thanks for reading love! If you feel like there’s some unfinished business maybe you should look into that!

  • Reply
    Crystal
    November 10, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    Going back to an ex is a negative for me, for sure. I’m like you: once I’m done, I’m done. I think for things to work both parties had to have done some serious soul searching and have made changes individually. There’s no point in going back to something old if one or both people haven’t made the necessary changes.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 13, 2017 at 3:56 pm

      Say that Crystal! Thanks for stopping by love xoxo

  • Reply
    rachel
    November 11, 2017 at 2:16 am

    Great post, I don’t think I’ve ever had good luck trying again with an ex.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 13, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      Thanks Rachel!

      Yes it’s definitely a huge bet! It works for some but not everyone. xoxo

  • Reply
    Megan
    November 13, 2017 at 1:12 pm

    I wouldn’t go back to an ex, even if I wanted to I think you just have to remember that they’re exes for a reason.

    I’m one of those people who can’t even be friends with their exes – it’s too weird. I prefer to go completely cold turkey – no matter how hard that is.

    Great read 🙂

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 13, 2017 at 3:54 pm

      Hi Megan! Thanks for stopping by!

      I agree with you. I learned that the hard way. Looking back at all the time I wasted I vowed to never do that again!!

  • Reply
    Yen (GlossyCover)
    November 14, 2017 at 6:49 pm

    Whether one takes an ex back or not, it is wise to evaluate the REASON(s) you split in the first place. I believe that the things you fought about back then will be what you will ALWAYS fight about in the future should you choose to be reunited with your ex.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 16, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      Hi Yen! You make such a great point! A lot of people forget to take that into consideration. Thanks for reading!

  • Reply
    Anissa
    November 14, 2017 at 9:36 pm

    No because they are an ex for a reason. People don’t change unless they want to. Thanks for sharing !

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 16, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      I hear that! Thanks for stopping by xoxo

  • Reply
    kfey
    November 14, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    This is a hard conversation I’ve had many a times… thanks for taking the time to write this. So true. Just because it’s painful to be apart doesn’t mean it’s right to be together

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 16, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      So glad you enjoyed my post! And I agree <3

  • Reply
    Katey
    November 15, 2017 at 12:54 am

    Sometimes I think ‘did I do the right thing by breaking it off?’. But then I remember why I ended things.

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 16, 2017 at 7:57 pm

      No regrets Katey!

  • Reply
    lifeofthefattyd
    November 15, 2017 at 2:42 am

    In my opinion, it depends on the reason why you and your ex parted ways. If its trust issues then its a big no no. I believe trust is like a scar. It heals but the mark won’t easily go away. But if its just petty reason like having no time, or you need space.. I think I might reconsider.. love this post!

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 16, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      Great points! Thank you so much for reading! xoxo

  • Reply
    Ben
    November 15, 2017 at 6:34 am

    Hi Monique,

    you have a great blog here. Your pictures are great.I like your style .Keep writing

    Thank you

    • Reply
      Monique Elise
      November 16, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      Hi Ben! Thank you so much, I’m glad you like it.

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